chistery quest when?

sergal should pony sergal

>>13437122
]What's the topic? How am I supposed to know what to talk about?

>>13437142
COMMISSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR

>>13437143
the best pony

fluttershy

what if pony saw your browser tabs

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>>13437155
Fluttershy is a pretty pony.
But she's not the best.

>>13437132
Which one?

reminder: jappone Owl's Well That Ends Well is on today

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>>13437161

>>13437166
meh

>>13437152
Explain that you never did the treefort thing as a kid back home, and you'd hate to disappoint Applebloom.

Pray to God Applejack's passed out from the drink.

>>13437166
Who would watch the worst episode of S1, even in japanese

>>13437190
but anon that's not FPK.

My least favorite episode of S1 is Griffon the Brush Off

>>13437207
My least favorite episode of season 1 is your favorite episode

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the actual worst episode in S1 is applebuck season

I'm going out to the store
anybody want me to pick something up

>>13437210
yeah
get me some pony fires

>>13437210
Uh can I get like some doritos and a couple of ponies

I'll give you five bucks

>>13437207
And that's why you're a faggot.

>>13437210
Get me some Mickey's.

>>13437208
>Suited for Success
I respect your opinion
Really that's my favorite episode of the show with my favorite song of the show

>>13437209
No.

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Sometimes I like to go on /r9k/ and antagonise them about their dick size

>>13437210
Octavia cum inflation

>>13437220
Sometimes I like to shitpost in MLPG by bringing up not pone.

>>13437220
But they'll just say theirs is 10.27711" to avoid the filtering

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>>13437142
Sweetie belle should pony sweetie belle.

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> AppleQuest flares and dies

>>13437226
Most of it is them saying that no-one but absolute sluts want anything bigger than 5"

>>13437230
>sweetie belle eating baby sweetie belles whole whilst playing with her prehensile clitoris

>>13437236
There is really no reason for pony to want a human dick over 5"

That's all that can fit.

>>13437236
> ftw you will never rock some woman's world with a 5" peen
;;_;;

>>13437231
>flares
unf

>>13437238
pony's mouth has a much higher capacity

>>13437237
Those are people activities, anon. Lyra said so. Sweetie belle is not a person.

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sleepy pony is drooling on the floor

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I REALLY LIKE PONY!

>>13437245
1: Relocate sleepy pony to oven (preheated to 350f)
2: Baste sleepy pony in own saliva
3: Throw in some potatoes and carrots for good measure
4: Wait until sleepy pony's internal temperature is at least 160° fahrenheight
5: Remove sleepy pony from oven and place in bed
6: Eat potatoes and carrots
7: Get in warm bed with heated sleepy pony

>>13437250
PONY REALLY DISLIKES YOU

>>13437230
i want to have sex with a sweetie belle

>>13437257
You don't know that anon.

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>tfw bearly any art of the Ursa Major

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>>13437250
Good going, you woke the sleepy pony.

>>13437177

Granny chuckles, but says nothing, and leads you to the treehouse.

>MEANWHILE, BEHIND THE FACADE OF THIS INNOCENT-LOOKING BOOKSTORE...

"You like him."

"You ain't brushing your teeth."

"But you like him!" Applebloom teased. "You were all hugging and stuff. I'm not a *kid* anymore, y'know."

Applejack rolled her eyes. "Yeah. 'And stuff'."

>BACK AT THE FARM...

"If you want another blanket, jes' give us a holler, hear? I'll send Applejack out with some."

You promise that won't be necessary, saying that it's a warm night out (even though it isn't particularly warm), and bit her goodnight.

You didn't think it was going to be that easy, did you? She's not THAT drunk.

>>13437266
That pony doesn't seem to mind being woken up.

I want a PS Vita TV
$100 for a Vita that I can play with a proper controller sounds awesome

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Anyone interested in CarmenSandiegoQuest?

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>>13437259
I HAVE PHOTOGRAPHIC PROOF

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>>13437274
Not with you around. Pony likes you.

>>13437277
Gotta get that happy ending

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>>13437276
well yeah, she's waking up in Equestria
why wouldn't she be happy to be awake and well rested?

>>13437278
#rekt

>>13437286
Because anon ate the deer delegate for breakfast

>>13437277
It's almost 7 in the morning.

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>>13437255
sleepy pony is too warm and fidgets around in bed

>>13437276
>No touchscreen
>Most games need touchscreen to advance the game
It's like their gaming division though HOLY SHIT WE'RE ACTUALLY GONNA MAKE MONEY FOR ONCE QUICK FUCK UP SOMETHING BEYOND BELIEVE

I think this gen Microsoft and Sony just want to see who shuts itself in the foot the most

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>>13437263
>tfw you will never pilot Veil Thundercloud, Bronco Pharisee, or Orchard Conquistador

>>13437278
>>13437283
Which is it? Does pony like or dislike me?

>>13437290
who cares about the deer people

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>>13437296
Pony likes you of course

>>13437296
Pony wants your ten prehensile foreleg dicks to do the talking and their belly to do the listening.

>>13437231

Not dead, just gone for a while. Back now.

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go to horsefuckers, bed

Twilight a shit!

>>13437294
I was under the impression that most Vita games barely used anything but the physical controls

>>13437291
It can wait. I need to sleep and do caps beforehand to speed things along anyway.

>>13437284
That's all up to you, Player.

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>Oy vey anon, are you looking at my bazookas?

>>13437291
There is no time in the endless void Chistery inhabits

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>>13437314
That's a terrible thing to say anonymous.

>>13437276
I'm going to buy the shit out of it if it lets me stream every PS4 games

I live between two houses so I could have the PS4 at one and still play it at the other

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>>13437314

>>13437269
Settle in. Surely Applebloom did it up nice even if it's going to be a little chilly.

Can you hear crickets or look at the stars? Might be kind of nice after dinner and escaping the family antics.

>>13437322
Tara Strong isn't a jew. She's devoutly Canadian.

>>13437343
easy
BOOKS HEAH
GET YA BOOKS HEAH

>>13437328
>>13437343

but it has been decided
http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/13429603#p13437289

>>13437322

>finally play Peace Walker
>now whenever i see Twilight all i can hear is her screaming "SOON YOU WILL WITNESS TRUE HELL"

>>13437321
I wish I knew how to quest.

>>13437358
I wish I was a mare in a pretty dress

>>13437315
>Since PS Vita is equipped with special features that cannot be supported on DUALSHOCK®3, such as touch screen, rear touch pad, motion sensors, camera, electronic compass and microphones, not all PS Vita games are playable on PS Vita TV.

Sony said this
And this will only fuck up the Vita even more
>Okay we could use the features the Vita has but we won't be able to sell the game to Vita TV owners
>Or we can throw all of that and just make a game with nothing remarkable on old hardware
Also
>Vita graphics on huge TV
>no portability
I don't think they were even thinking.

>>13437358
Questing is easy.

Just imagine you're playing a Rougelike with text commands that can be completely ignored.

>>13437358
It's pretty simple.

"You are an Anon in an unusual circumstance. You REMEMBER various things which should color your choices.

Pone says x. You hear Y, which means that something is probably important. Important thing, kind of important thing, stinger to impact what sort of relation person has to the Anon.

Pone asks directly what Anon wants to do, or a choice arises.

What do?"

Just keep rolling and eventually it'll become some hero's welcome where the only real choice will be KISS PONE.

>>13437375
> text commands that can be completely ignored
That's not quite true, though sometimes it's best to ignore "PUNCH PONY" in the middle of a high tea with the Princess

You find a quorum and make it work.

>>13437388
You either integrate all commands or choose the most popular choice.

>>13437388
>VOMIT PROFUSELY

>>13437388
Punching Celestia to assert dominance would probably work.

>>13437377
last time I tried that I sort of lost the crowd

how do you tell a story AND keep people intrigued?

>>13437366
we all do anon

A towering, wiry biped with a severely shortened face like no other creature of the land and hands like a minotaur looks down at you and demands a hug in mangled ponese

It wears a pair of black cargo shorts and a graphic tee with a smiling sergal filling it. Thank celestia, no fedora is to be found. The beast smells of churros.

About thirty meters out, a group of more normally dressed aliens calls out to the creature in their own language. You are reminded of the black tongues spoken by demons in cautionary tales.

As you ponder the situation, the strange being shouts a message to its comrades, turns to you, and sputters out another request for physical contact, appending something that translates as "you am the great pretty horse" this time. Do you oblige?

>>13437404
Hover around sex the entire time, even if the sex never happens

>>13437263
Oh, there is art, but not much of it is good.
>>13415602

>>13437409
[x] punch human in the snout to assert dominance

>>13437404
Lots of practice.

It's why weavers so good, he's been doing it for years.

>>13437409
I immediately call Rarity. She will give these creatures makeovers to improve their self confidence and overall huggability.

Then I call Twilight to tutor them in proper ponese.

Only THEN will they be allowed hugs.

>>13437428
This

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>>13437161
She would probably tell me to stop playing that horrible game and do something with my life instead

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>>13437409
Initiate sexual physical contact

>>13437345

The wind whistles through the gaps between the boards of the treehouse, but it's hardly cold-- especially not with a warm blanket and a belly full of home-cooked goodness. It's peaceful, the crickets' chirping and frogs' croaking and owls' hooting coalescing together in a kind of typhoon, deafening but not distracting. All it takes is a moment's thought to clear your head and the cacophony fades away.

But then comes a noise you can't ignore. Plodding hoofbeats on dew-slick grass. Before very long, Applejack is at the door, as you somehow knew she would be. "Aw, c'mon, sugarcube, I'm cold out here. Besides, something might get me."

It's clear she's not letting you go without a fight.

>>13437404
>>13437430
Also you have to be born with creativity and manage to keep it

>>13437428
You are horse, you can not punch.
headbutt human instead.

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/624844

>steamchat.wav

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>>13437161

>>13437404
Be interesting a guess?
Try reading this
http://tgchan.org/wiki/Advice

>>13437404

a lot of it's in the timing. don't start a quest when there's ten billion things going on, but don't start when we're ded. it's knowing how to pick your spots, that's the most important skill in the world.

>>13437428
You attempt to hug the human in the face with your hoof. However, because you are neither a pegasus nor a unicorn, you can only jump and thrust fruitlessly in its general direction. The human takes this as a positive gesture and snatches you up mid jump, hugging you so tightly to its churro scented body that you can not move so much as a hoof.

>>13437440
In your peril, you call rarity and twilight for help. What was the code word they used for humans again? Right, "fashion disaster". You scream "fashion disaster" as loud as your constricted pony body can manage and pray that they heard you.

>>13437465
Captivity is getting old. In an attempt to free yourself, you slam your head into the printed sergal's shit eating grin, which happens to be planted squarely on the human's sternum. It drops you and doubles over in pain.

You make a mad dash for freedom, still screaming "fashion disaster". The human brings itself to its feet and gives chase, and its fellows follow screaming in their harsh tongue.

You have never been more terrified of a nerd in a sergal shirt in your life.

>>13437464
I have creativity, I just suck at expressing it. My mind swirls with ideas 24/7
and I can't do anything with them
I'm so depressed

>convince ponies that UNF is a human greeting
>the more effort put in to the unf the more you like someone

>Unf, Anon!
>Unf morning, Anon!
>UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNFFFFFFF
>...hey Lyra

>>13437489
TRY MORE
I suck at expressing my ideas. But I won't stop because I don't care if I'm doing shit now as long as I'm improving, since one day that won't be shit anymore.

>>13437488
TURN AROUND AND CHARGE THE FUCKER

TODAY YOU DINE IN HELL

>>13437488
..That's horrifying

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>>13437161
Uh

>>13437470
NEW GROUNDS DOT COM

So did Celestia closed the crystal mines under Canterlot because to many unicorns got lost there and died, or did the unicorns dug too greedily and too deep and Celestia had no choice but to drive back whatever emerged and seal the caves?

>>13437493
>"Hey" lyra?
>i-i mean UNF LYRA!
>"HEY LYRA"?
>"HEY?"
>fuck

>>13437495
I'd prefer we weren't killed 3 posts into being a pony

>>13437488
oh god pony can never outrun human

you have to stand and fight. bite him in the dick.

>>13437488
RARITY WHERE ARE YOU, GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR ASS AND COME HELP ME

>>13437512
But these are unfit humans, they're not gonna be that fast and they're gonna tire easily

>>13437513
...What if she has Twilight's dick in her ass?
Or better yet Shiny's dick in her ass while Twilight is watching?

>>13437503
I don't think Celestia closed the mines.
She may not even remember them, something that could easily be possible based on what Chrysalis said.

>>13437521
Twilight doesn't have a dick.
She is a mare, she has a vagina.

>>13437512
>oh god pony can never outrun human
Anon, there are hardly any animals that cannot outrun humans.

A pony can easily run at 30km/h for an hour.

>>13437528
But anon, these are little ponies.

>>13437522
Chrysalis said a lot of stuff.

Did we see where the crystal mines ended? You know, where the bride maids were.

>>13437503

they found the Clockworks. the last creation of a dying race, these machines still carry out their final orders with grim dedication: research, discover, learn, adapt, and find a way to bring back their long-dead masters. forced to suck the magical energy from living things to fuel the spells that animate them, cast so long ago, they are a brutal and unfeeling people, concerned only with living long enough to find a way to fulfill their masters' wishes. wherever they touch is invariably drained of all life, left a dead and barren void, all to perpetuate the cycle.

and their masters were Humanity.

>>13437532
So they have less weight to carry.

>>13437522
>The caves beneath Canterlot, once home to greedy unicorns who wanted to claim the gems that could be found inside. And now, your prison.
>It's no use. No one can hear you. And no one will ever think to look for you, either. Most ponies have forgotten that these caves even exist, which is why they are the ideal place to keep the ones who try to interfere with my plans.

I doubt Celestia would forget but I guess it's a possibility.

>>13437528
You're forgetting something about humans.
Humans used to use a thing called Persistent Predation. We would follow a thing at a leisurely pace while it ran and ran and ran as fast as it could to get away. We would just walk calmly and use its own tracks to find it.

When it would get tired and take a break from running, we would be there. It would take off running again, sure.

Eventually thing would get so tired it would either pass out or just.. die from exhaustion

And we would be there to collect our spoils.

Humans are terrifying as fuck

>>13437521
there's no time to speculate on who has their dicks in Rarity's ass
there are hundreds of possibilities and we have a human chasing us

>>13437539
I remember that story

>>13437549
this is just a race back to town

I'm pretty sure we can win without running ourselves to death

>>13437555
But if it's Twilight we just lost one of our main plans because no Rarity or Twilight.

>>13437557

WELCOME, MY CHILDREN

WELCOME TO THE MACHINE

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN

IT'S ALL RIGHT WE KNOW WHERE YOU'VE BEEN

>>13437549
That is an extremely stupid plan for catching an intelligent species

>>13437495
>>13437512
Stricken with a burst of courage, you turn around and charge at the human. In what you can only interpret as a predatory trance, it doubles its running effort, teeth fully bared, eyes exuding a twisted glee, arms outstretched and ready to squeeze the life out of you once again.

And then he trips. The living bean pole falls face first into the ground and slides to a grinding halt, moaning in agony. Wounded and bloody, it crawls towards you still, muttering poorly translated requests for cuddles, its bloodied sergal shirt gazing at you with a psychopathic glee that no fabric should express. This display of singleminded perseverance freezes you in terror. Your body is slowly taken in by its lightly furred limbs and enclosed by its bony frame. Weakened, the human puts its full weight on you, causing your fragile pony body great discomfort.

Its friends are approximately ten seconds away from reaching you. Pony shouting can be heard over the horizon, hopefully twilight or rarity. Sure enough, twilight rises from the land like the morning sun, shining with hope and purple. With the speed of a falcon, she rushes towards you and knocks the monster off your back with a blast of magic. Its friends are, to say the least, displeased and can not stop themselves from shouting at it while pointing at you and twilight.

>>13437563
and once you get to town and lock your doors

we arrive, and we find a way to open them

You can continue to flee, or you can try to hide.


We will find you.

>>13437574
genetic instinct.

>>13437574
Yeah, they can hide or throw rocks at us

that's why we invented projectile weapons and stealth hunting

>>13437575
Wow, fuck humans. Get back behind twilight

>>13437575
im never going to hug a pony again

>>13437589
No, don't fuck humans.
Leave that to Rarity.

>>13437581
WEAREHERE

JACK THE TWISTER

>>13437598
Only if it's with me.

>>13437609

>Twilight practices her ahegao for Shining

>>13437575
Ask Twilight to translate your plans to the humans (while running) maybe they will stop trying to hug/destroy you. The plan being MAKEOVERS AND LANGUAGE LESSONS

>>13437503
No

I think Celestia does nothing, and have lackies to take care of that

In this, no they did not

>>13435675
>>13435610
>>13435547
I know I'm extremely late on this but tomb never did the remix without Odyssey's permission. He was the one that sent him the remix stems for him the first place.

Tomb has said multiple times before that he feels kinda bad that his remix has more views than the original

>>13437626
thank you for your input lateanon

>>13437589
You move behind twilight like a child hides behind its mother and frantically attempt to explain the situation to her. However, your words fall upon deaf ears. Cute and fuzzy, but deaf. Volley after volley of purple mana hurls towards the humans as they scramble and erect energy shields to protect themselves from their belligerent companion's comeuppance. Unfortunately, their technology is no match for the princess, and the shield generators overload within seconds. Finally, the sharkwolf bearer and an unfortunate collateral casualty are bombarded with magic and launched to the everfree with sheer force. The rest of the alien band rushes after them, screaming at twilight in english. Out of the words, you can only understand "pay" and "pony".

Twilight barks back at them in their own barbaric language, invoking celestia's name without the usual melody of her native speech. The figurative rape of your beloved queen's name is painful to you, to say the least. Before long, the humans have vanished.

Twilight calms down and asks you what happened.

>>13437632
No problem

What if pony never ponied pony?

>>13437557
What story is it? Sounded kinda interesting I'm a sucker for stuff like that

>>13437641
Pony would cease to exist.

>>13437635
No makeovers? darnit.

>>13437641
I'D FORCE PONY TO PONY PONY

>>13437635
HUMAN RAPED PONY

>>13437453
> release ladder
Fffuck
You need to talk her down from this
But yeah there are all kinds of crazy things around here

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>>13437220
/r9k/ getting rekt can be fun

NEW from the author of "Daring Do and the Phantom Kingdom" comes the next smash hit of the season:

"Daring Do and the Tomb of Odysseus". An ancient curse, a bloodthirsty cult, and stories of horrific, two-legged, two-handed monsters all come together to force Equestria's preeminent archaeologist's back against a wall. Faced with an ultimatum, she must explore the ruins of the oldest of stories and confront forces not seen in this world for thousands of years. This time, finding adventure isn't hard, but she make it out? And even if she can, will she ever be the same? FIND OUT IN: "Daring Do and the Tomb of Odysseus". IN BOOKSTORES THIS FALL.

>>13437453
Let her in, obviously.
Prepare warm things for her

I'm going to marry Luna.

>>13437370
It's a set up box basically since it lets you do PS4 Remote play. Plus, it also uses the DS4, so there you go.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWplhhktgqs

Plus, there's also the Vita 2k. Loses the OLED, but better battery and slimmer makes it very worth it. They should've included a 4GB memory instead of just 1GB, but baby steps.

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>>13437673
curses, cults and two legged monsters with hands?
sounds interesting

>>13437690
Good luck, I've already fucked her corpse.

>>13437532
I laughed.[/spoile

And I don't know why.

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bagged ponies

>>13437660
>>13437689

She slinks in-- or as well as she can slink while drunk and on uneven ground-- and grins. "I knew you were sweet on me, sugarcube. A reg-u-lar gentleman. Ain't gonna let a lady out in the cold."

She starts walking toward her, and you reach out a hand, catching her across the chest and holding her at arm's length. Her eyes narrow to slits and her lips part slightly, a single strand of saliva glistening in the half-light of the moon and stars above your heads.

Once and for all, it's time to decide.

Do you kiss pony?

>>13437650
Still shaken from the scuffle, you tell twilight that you were hoping to give the human a makeover. "A makeover? Why didn't you call me sooner?"

The sing song voice from over your shoulder is unmistakeable. Rarity has arrived, and several minutes too late. In preparation for the usual, you begin thinking of apples as twilight and rarity exchange greetings. Sure enough, a veritable waterfall of concern about your safety and the state of your mane pour from the mare's lips. Rolling your eyes, you notice something above you. The clouds are moving unnaturally, coalescing into...

A sentence in third grade level ponese that approximates "TWILIGHT SPARKLE IS THE WORST PONY". You interrupt the unicorn's banter and point her to the sky. Twilight shakes her head and promptly clears the cloud formation with a quick spell. Despite her efforts, it reforms. She relegates clearing the insult to the bottom of her todo list and the three of you go to the library for tea.

Later that evening, a team of pegasi attempts to clean the insult from the sky, and like the spell before them, fail miserably. Twilight Sparkle is the worst pony for a whole week before the words dissipate.

The end.

>>13437733
Passionately
On the lips
And the neck
And the hooves
And the balls

>>13437739
Human kiss is deadly to pony
Pony is poisoned and dies a painful death, writhing on the ground, foam forming at his mouth.
Pony is dead
You can see pony's friends coming to visit you
What do

>>13437733
If she wants me to.

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>>13437739
this is the pone you kissed

>>13437756
I still would

>>13437759
you sick fuck

pony was saving herself for marriage

>>13437750
Become pone hitman and give mobster pones the kiss of death

>>13437738
wat

>>13437756
>Sergio the Serny

>>13437773
I hold the record for the biggest build up to calling twilight shit in the history of MLPG motherfucker

>>13437731
KISS PONY

>>13437756
>that mane

would brush

Would MLPG read a story about the pony version of MIB/BRPD, with more focus on monster-fighting than buddy cops?

Steve the Demon would appear.

>>13437790
nah

>>13437770
You decide to yous your powers of death to clean equestria from crime, to haunt down mobsters and end teir corruption once and for all
Meanwhile pony's friends enter the room. They are horrified seeing the corpse. One of them vomits while another one runs to alert the authorities
What do

>>13437790
dumb
what's your other idea

>>13437798
Kiss the authorities

>go to equestria
>still a human
>grow wings and a horn
>your cutie mark is a gaming controller

what do

>>13437798
Smile HD

>>13437803
walk around calling myself Casual Autism

>>13437803
CONTROL THE PONIES

WITH DICK

>>13437803
Kill myself.
Reincarnate.

>>13437807
KISS PONY (infinity to the power of infinity)

>>13437807
>AJ
Run and never return

>>13437803
Integrate into Equestrian society.

seven vagánias

>>13437802
Two guards quickly enter the room, see the corpse and try to subdue you.
You avoid their attacks and kiss them both.
They die
The rest of pony's friends have already ran away to alert even more guards

Three ponies are dead
What do

>>13437821
If kissing them with your mouth brings death, then hitting them with the opposite should bring life

SMACK ALL THE DEAD PONIES WITH YOUR BUTT

>>13437832
You gently hit the dead ponies with your butt
Nothing happens

>>13437784

You lean in. Or you start to lean in, at least, before she springs at you, falling on top of you in a flurry of passion. You can taste the crisp, sterile flavor of alcohol on her tongue, and her knees buckle, dropping her full weight down onto your stomach.

She slides her hooves under your shirt and starts to lift it up, raising her own stomach from yours as little as possible, moving with the control of a belly dancer. "I'm still cold. Wanna warm me up?"

>>13437731
KISS
PONY

>>13437839
NO

HARDER

THE OPPOSITE OF A KISS

AND FART WHILE DOING IT

>>13437803
>Controller
>Not KB+M
FUCK
I wanted to bring computers to Equestria
They've already got games

>>13437843
FFFFFFFFFFFFF
Sure yes fine
Here, we have covers
I suspect Applebloom may "surprise us" with some water
... Is that really Everclear

>>13437851
You hit the dead ponies with your butt as hard as you can
Nothing happens.
Suddenly you hear a lot of noise. You go to the window and see a lot of guards armed with spears running towards the house

What do

>>13437860
what the shit, spike

>>13437863
Channel your inner space marine

run into the crowd lips blazing

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*frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrpppppppppppppp*

*ffrrrrp* *frrrrrrrrrrrp*

>>13437860
SPIKE
WHAT DID I FUCKING TELL YOU ABOUT THE FIREWORKS
NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO YOUR SHIRT, GODDAMN

>>13437871
cut that out

>>13437871
*pft*

>>13437860
SPIKE

WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT GOING FULL ANTHRO? STOP GROWING THOSE GAY ASS CRYSTALS OUT OF YOUR BACK FAGGOT. GO TO YOUR ROOM. ONE WEEK WITHOUT PONE.

>>13437843
Toy with her. Attempt to warm her up with the blankets and cuddling. Make her take the lead.

She loves to take the lead

i searched autism on furaffinity and i was amused

Who here owns a Vita? Thinking of buying the new model, and the 3DS bores me right now.

>>13437871
THAT'S IT

I'M OUT of this fucking room

>>13437868
You quickly start to think.
You realize that the only way to defend your stronghold is with multiple, simultaneous and devastating deep strikes. The Codex Astartes names this maneuver Steel Rain.
You climb to the roof of the house and jump towards the crowd of guard ponies screaming FOR THE EMPERAH
Unfortunately for you the first thing your lips meet is a spear
Even more unfortunate is the fact that spears are immune to your kisses
But by far the most unfortunate thing is that your head isn't immune to the tip of a spear
You die


Score 5/125
Game Over

>>13437891
I don't own a vita. That means I have a life! Zing!

>>13437891
Gravity Rush is bretty gud

>>13437880
>>13437872
You're not his real mom.

>>13437790
>implying Steve gets any breaks from the gift shop

>>13437897
*Push reset*

>>13437871
disgusting little tooty booty

lyra says she's a human on the inside

lyra asks what you are on the inside

>>13437921
guts

>>13437921
Mostly meat
Humans are mostly meat on the inside
So on the inside inside lyra is mostly meat
So lyra is edible

Anon: Attempt lyra consumption

>>13437931
lyra gets you a baby out of the fridge and apologizes for letting you go hungry

>>13437921
Mostly water I guess.

>>13437853
>>13437883

You allow her to work, but make no movement to help her. It's not until she growls at you that you finally lift your back off the ground and allow her to pull your shirt away, throwing it in a corner of the treehouse.

You smile coyly, trying to wriggle your way out from underneath her. "Oh, but now I'M cold", you say, reaching for a blanket. "Wouldn't you rather cuddle?"

She scoots forwards, towards you, quick as she can, trying to maintain her position atop you. "Oh, we're gonna "cuddle", don't you worry 'bout that. I'm plenty warm for you." She shakes her hat off, then runs a hoof through her mane, pulling the ribbon out and letting her straw-blond hair fall apart around her shoulders. She kisses you violently as she struggles with your pants. "Touch me", she moans into your mouth, too keyed up to wait.

>>13437921
I wish to be the little pony

>>13437949
lyra dies of a heart attack

rip lyra

bonbon cries

>Cars inflation

>>13437903
They have a scrying portal that, on Steve's side, opens up to a commemorative birdbath which Steve always keeps full "for display purposes". He never visits them, and they never visit him, but sometimes they call, and that means he at least gets to do SOMETHING.

>>13437921
I'm ... a good person?

(Let's imagine this Anon had wanted to become a stallion but didn't.)

>>13437985
Fuck off Roogna.

>>13437985
roogna bby
dont go
i love you

>>13437945
> straw-blonde
Peaches
Peaches if this is a joke, get out of here
Applejack is going to be PISSED

>>13437945
... DO IT
AND KISS THE PONE

marker pony boop inflation

>>13437989
>>13437988
I'm getting mixed signals here

>>13437996
>marker boops femanon in the chest
>giggles and runs away

>>13437902
> Not his real Mom!
"Shit, Spike, I know you miss her but -- there's no finding out 'til you're 18. Now why the Hell did you blow up the fireworks stand?"

>>13437945
Lead status: Taken

Do as she asks. Teasing time is over, you'll only get injured if you try now.

(But you can still play coy and touch her everywhere except where she wants)

I'm going to hug Fluttershy.

>>13437983
lyra can not respond because she is dead

bonbon is not any happier but she says okay

she wasnt going to blame you

YOU ARRIVE IN PONYVILLE

BUT YOU'RE A SERGAL WITH A HEART OF GOLD

NOW WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO IN

AUTISMQUEST PART UNEUX

>>13438028
Become the little pony.

>>13438014
CAN I HUG HER TOO?

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>>13437983
you were only doing what you had to do

>>13438028
Kill myself.

>>13438028
HIDE GOLD HEART UNDER CLOTH
FIND ZEBRA
DETERMINE SELL VALUE OF GOLDEN HEART

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>>13438014

>>13438035
D-dude please no
I just meant Anon is sort of dodging the question
He knows Lyra wants to be with him but he's headed in the other direction

>>13438028
Introduce self to pony
Have lunch with pony
Become good friends with pony
Hug pony
Convince pony to brush my hair and give me belly rubs
Live long happy life without raping or killing anything

>>13438033
ATTEMPT: FAILED

>>13438042
YOUR HEART IS TOO GOLDEN TO TAKE LIFE, EVEN YOUR OWN

>>13438043
ZEBRA SAYS IT'S A PRICELESS GIFT TO THE WORLD AND THREATENS TO POISON YOU IN YOUR SLEEP IF YOU SELL IT

>>13438050
PLAN SUCCESSFUL

TUNE IN TEXT TIME FOR AUTISMQUEST. PART DEUX.

>>13438028
EAT THE PONIES

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>>13438028
Rape and kill pony.
It's just what I was always meant to do

>>13438060
WAIT I WANTED TO POISON THE ZEBRA AND SELL THE HEART

>>13438006
>>13437995
>>13437990

You obey, walking your fingers along the underside of her belly, over her thighs, around her hips, and back down her muscled butt, touching the sensitive skin around her vagina but never letting a finger slip in, careful to draw back the moment you feel wetness. She makes a noise-- it starts out as a whine, but somewhere inside her throat it turns into a growl, low and fierce. With a single motion, she drops her chest back down onto yours, knocking the wind out of your lungs and kissing you even harder than before. "Quit teasing me", she whispers, the tenderness of her voice completely at odds with the brutality of her motions.

Fed up with waiting, she wriggles down your front and bites your pants, pulling at them until the fabric tears. As the scent of you assaults her nostrils, you see her pupils dilate and can practically hear her pulse quicken. "Yeah" is the only thing she says before she's on you, slurping and slathering and nursing your cock in a warm vacuum.

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>>13438075
> in a warm vacuum

>>13438084

Nature abhors it, y'know.

>>13438075
Uh
This is getting a little racy for 8:30am
RUN FINGERS DOWN HAIR AND AROUND EAR. SCRATCH HARD ABOUT HER SHOULDER. MAINTAIN PRESENCE BUT STAY OUT THAT WILD WOMAN'S WAY

>>13438084
> Dirt Devil
> Earth pony
Oh jeez

>>13438096
>Dust Devil
>his pegasus buddy

>>13438075
>"Quit teasing me"
you mean Quit teasin' me, sugarcube*

this is applejack we're talking about.

also
>vagina
that word is disgusting, please don't use it again.

>vacuum

5/10 see me after class
keep going. also, grab her head and 'help'

>>13438096
>Dirt Devil (E)
>Dyson (U)
>mortal enemies, yet they can't keep their hooves off each other

>>13438102
>typing out accents
Poor form in real world literature.

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>>13437790
the buddy cop aspect is important

>>13438110
>real world literature

its applejack pony sucking a human dick

fuck you thats why

>>13438096
>>13438101
>>13438108
> Celestia is an enormous Hoover
> Rarity is a Miele
> Fluttershy is an animal dirt-grabber model, perhaps the old Dirt Dog Roomba

>>13438110
>>13438114
The fast rule tends to be that you should pull back from Mark Twain by a long shot, but droppin' -g's is good fuckin' mechanics within reasonable limits

>>13438119
> Celestia is an enormous Hoover
Why does this sound hot?

>>13438135
They give AMAZING suction.

>>13438092
>>13438102

You look down to see a mass of yellow hair, and behind it a tail flicking madly from side to side. You moan and rest your head back down, sliding a hand down towards her head. You start to scratch her ears, and she leans in to your touch, desperate for more, but she doesn't let it distract her. "Help", you manage to squeak, and she titters, lifting her mouth from your cock for a moment.

"Ain't no help a-comin', sugarcube. You're mine."

She dives back down, and the only things you can hear are slurps, drips, and your own occasional gasp. She refuses to slow down her pace, relentless, and starts to swirl her tongue about your cockhead, occasionally drifting down the shaft to rub your balls into her snout. She always inhales deeply, making sure to take another heady swig of your breeding-scent.

Finally, worked into a frenzy, she stops and begins to climb up to straddle you. She sinks down with a shudder, your well-slicked cock gliding right into her, and sighs, glad to finally be riding something that can scratch her itch. You feel her legs turn to steel around your hips as she prepares to ride you.

"Yee-haw", she grins.

>>13438166
I have no further input. Prepare yourself for the ride and have fun, anon. Ya dun good.

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>>13438137

>can't always get it up while having sex
>especially not when I've jerked it recently

>jacked off twice yesterday morning
>still got rock-hard last night when gf and I had sex

penises are weird

>Twilight:WE'VE COME TO PUT AN END TO YOUR TYRANNY NIGHTMARE MOON!
>Twilight: uh....
>*Celestia is on the floor holding a nearly dead Luna, constantly whispering "What have I done?" to herself*
ALTERNATIVELY
>*Luna is on the floor holding a nearly dead Celestia, crying uncontrollably*
>Pinkie Pie: I think we missed something important.

>>13438185
Did you think of ponies?

>>13438189
I don't like either of those endings.
Why do you want to make the ponies sad, Anon? They never did anything to you

>>13438200
nah, pone does nothing for me

Screaming people with sewed up mouthes and empty eyes.

>>13438211
you're weird

>>13438215
unf

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>>13438215

>>13438220
sam neil pls

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>>13438211

>>13438247
I'd play it

>>13438166

She rides you. You really wish you could say you were fucking her, but that's not even close to the truth. At some point you try to get involved, but she crushes your hips back down to Earth with her weight. "Stay still" she warms, before resuming her breakneck pace. Below the waist she's a blur, and above the neck she's serene, eyes screwed shut and a noise of absolute ecstasy spilling from her lips.

You can't take it. Combined with her oral treatment a few minutes ago, you have to give in, and explode inside her. You begin to apologize as you start to wilt, but dissatisfied with this, she grunts and pulls off of you, swinging that muscular ass around and dropping it onto your face. The mixture of her own sexual arousal and the smell of your seed buried in her triggers some primal wheel in your brain to start spinning, and you start to slurp. She rides your face as vigorously as she rode your cock, and her back arches as you lick her to an orgasm.

By now, her pheromones have started to take effect, and you can feel yourself swelling back to hardness. And so can she. Dropping herself back down onto you, and now partially sated, she rides you slower, more sensually. She leans over to kiss you, and you can each taste each other's juices on your partner's tongue.

"I like you, sugarcube", she pants, between thrusts. "Think I might keep ya. Long as you can hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii~" Her voice rises and she trails off as your finger slips inside her asshole, the unexpected penetration sending her over the edge, and her sudden tightness sending you over the edge as well. "Say my name", she says, using every ounce of self-control she has not to simply start screaming. "Say my name."

"Applejack..." you moan as you cum for the second time, buried deep inside her.

Exhausted, the two of you lie there and, silently agreeing, decide to wait until morning to move another muscle.

I'd do more but it's seven in the morning. Maybe tomorrow.

>*grows armor*
>Chrysalis: Tonight I dine on pony soup.

>>13438208
Pony touched me inappropriately

>>13438264
why would you want pony soup
that sounds disgusting

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>>13438254
>tfw smut greentext does nothing for you anymore when it's not about one or two specific characters

>>13438279
the soup is nade from pony semen