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01/18/12(Wed)04:21 No.33372540
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The worst part of this long setting introduction is that MOST OF IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER. We never hear anything about Port Pleasant after that, only about the woods that make up less than 25% of the description. Even after reading the story, I have no reason to care about Port Pleasant.
The writing is sometimes overly descriptive, especially for a visual novel.
>Deep in the woods where not even the children or teenagers went, was a small clearing with a wooden shack. The small wooden structure was left untouched by even nature. An invisible umbrella kept snow and rain off of the clearing and invisible walls kept everyone and everything out. Proudly, the ten-by-thirteen shack sat on its carpet of autumn leaves. Two windows on every wall of the house gave the sole inhabitant of the shack a perfect view of the scenery.
Almost all of this could be explained with a single picture. I don't really care what it looks like in detail, how big it is, what kind of leaves surround it, or how many windows there are or where. Just say it's small and she can see the entire surroundings through the windows, and the picture (in the visual novel) or my imagination (in a normal novel) can do the rest. Then again, this is extremely common in novels, and might just be something that only bothers me.
(Continued...4chan post length is too short) |
