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01/15/12(Sun)10:19 No.33286094>>33285998 Only a few paragraphs in, but the wording feels really rough and doesn't really flow. The tense also seems to jump between past and present (I know, it's really easy to do, but it's really jarring to the reader).
The past-300-posts section could probably do with stickier descriptions, too. Also, pet peeve, but ponies using our swear words just doesn't sit well with me.
The idea is good, but the execution lets it down a little. You're clearly not a bad writer by any means, just inexperienced. Keep going! |