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!Taxif57b8c 11/09/11(Wed)14:30 No. 31329285 >>31329106 >spoilered for talking about nsfw ponies The whole sex scene feels a lot less competently written than the rest of the story. As with the earlier stuff, the writing itself is technically very good, but it loses any sense of drawing the reader in once you get down to the nitty gritty of the description. One again, I have a problem with the pacing - when writing stuff like this, you can either concede that the sex is the only part anyone cares about, and languish over it, or you can try to establish a deeper sense of feeling and empathy and insert emotion into the scene with some preamble as well - you're splitting the difference with this story and it doesn't work very effectively, in my opinion. 
