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07/23/11(Sat)20:04 No.27987181
File1311465875.jpg-(23 KB, 363x341, Pinkie looks over curiously.jpg)
 >>27986758
Okay. . . okay. Since you're actually related to what's going on, I'll stop hyperboling my replies and merely state my complaints. I have mentioned them before, one of the anonymous comments on his Eq D thread.
Cogwork has many elements of good writing. But there are a couple stylistic choices he makes that is completely breaking the entire experience for me.
1. AJ's accent is written phonetically. Not only is this on the list of writing Don'ts of most text books, but its there for a reason. It slows down reading to a snails crawl, making the lines tedious and breaking the flow. If her lines were largely correct English with the occasional -in' for -ing, and used country-isms when appropriate, AJ's lines would go from School Zone speed to highway, saving the flow, the tedium, and so on and this would be accomplished without losing AJ's accent in the slightest. Readers would automatically fill in the pronunciation like they should.
2. Fluttershy's stuttering. This is, flat out, in the words of Lex Luthor: WRONG! Fluttershy has almost never stuttered in the show. Writing her lines, and Butterscotch's, with constant stuttering is simply bad characterization, as it effectively is the character speaking with some one else's voice. Okay, maybe Butters can be an exception to this, since he is technically not Fluttershy, but Fluttershy should only stutter at times of extreme stress, like she did when Gilda yelled at her. Take another listen to Fluttershy's lines, they are punctuated with lots of "ohs" "wells" "umms" to denote her shyness, not stuttering.
Okay, those two I just listed. They are the deal breakers for me. If they, alone, are fixed, then I'll accept the story. But there is one finale one that, while not a deal breaker, is also massively faux pas.
3. All cap words for EMPHASIS. This is SIMPLY showing up FAR too much in the story itself. Almost NO sentence gets by without the author FORCING the EMPHASIS on the reader. [c] |
