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02/03/11(Thu)21:50 No.23169728 File1296787846.gif-(925 KB, 360x360, Popcorn.gif)
>>23169313
Ok, I said I was going to give you my review of your erotic story TrainingWriteFag in the other pony thread, so here you go!
First off, the premise was pretty good. I never really thought of a scenario where Pinkie would seduce Mr Cake. It works, good job on that! I liked Derpy coming in and doing some random Beetlejuice whatever-she-did action. I thought that was funny.
Now to things I didn't really like. I found all the references to food being used were very distracting from the story. It started off kinda cute, but then it turned into elevator music. The overuse of it hurt the appeal. You also have a tendency to go crazy with the purple prose too. One or two is nice, but too much of it gets tired very fast.
The final blowjob scene I was probably the most disappointed with. The only reason was because it lacked hard detail. This is where all those food descriptive comparisons and purple prose came back to bite the hardest. I was having severe difficulty finding the scene to be sexy when I keep thinking of hot dogs and various food items. Being that the sex is the meat and potatoes of any erotica, it is critical that you make that the most appealing section of the story. |